One Last Time
To be very honest, it’s been so long
since I last thought about you. Yet every time I do, it still hurts.
가끔씩 나도 모르게 짜증이나
너를 향한 맘은 변하지 않았는데
혹시 내가 이상한 걸까
혼자 힘들게 지내고 있었어
Both of us know very well that we
were never together, yet the two years that I got to spend with you (I’ve no
idea how to even explain what kind of relationship we had) are times I probably
would never forget. It’s kind of amazing how it even spanned across two years considering
the fact that the times we got angry/irritated/quarreled with each other were probably
more than the happy ones. Sounds epic ridiculous now that I think about it, but
I was probably too blinded then because that two years was the period whereby I
thought nothing else mattered more than you.
내꺼인 듯 내꺼 아닌 내꺼 같은 너
니꺼인 듯 니꺼 아닌 니꺼 같은 나
이게 무슨 사이인 건지 사실 헷갈려
Many times I wonder what would have
happened if you popped that question earlier? I mean, what took you so long?
And of all times you could have asked, you popped it during a time when I was
confused and have no idea what I wanted in life. If I have to confess, I actually
do wonder what would have happened if I were to say yes when you came to find
me that night. Would we be happy and walk the rest of our lives together? Or
things would have gotten so out of hand that we wouldn’t be friends anymore.
Who am I kidding now because ever since I said “I don’t know”, I broke whatever
we had, right? I honestly tried to salvage whatever friendship left, but I wonder
if I hurt you so badly that you just reject every advance I made. Every time I
text you, I wonder if you would reply more than a single word. It came to a
point that I felt there was no use trying. Every year I tell myself the same
thing yet every year I still look forward to your birthday. I guess that’s
because it’s the only legitimate reason I got to text you. More like, I know
you would answer out of courtesy so I wouldn’t feel so hurt if you didn’t.
I totally sound like a mess now,
right?
Still can’t believe that I dreamt of
you last night and in my dreams, we managed to talk things out, like I’ve
always wanted, yet didn’t get the chance to.
I know when it happened six years
back, I know I wasn’t the only one hurting (but you were probably in more pain
than me).
니 맘 속에 날 놔두고 한 눈 팔지 마
너야말로 다 알면서 딴청 피우지 마
피곤하게 힘 빼지 말고
어서 말해줘 사랑한단 말이야
Is it selfish of me if I still want
this friendship back? I keep telling myself one more year, yet year after year I
still hold on to that belief that we would work out fine. Guess I should stop
being naïve and accept that this will never work out. So now, I’m just going to
tell myself “Just one more year, Germaine. And if after October, it still doesn’t
work out, then just give up and move on!”
_germx
Is it all, or nothing at all?
20150518. 1508h
Labels: Looking Back, Random Thoughts, self-denial, self-reflection
What I want to achieve by 30
A month after my 24th
birthday, few more years to my 30th. Time seems to pass so fast, it’s
actually starting to scare me. At 24, it seriously feels like I’ve not
accomplished anything significant yet. On thinking back, I sometimes wonder
whether it was a right move to take the safe JC route and not attempt something
focused, something I am really interested in, in poly. That said, the rational
side of me will always consider the practicality of both options and yes, JC is
probably a safer route to University, in my humble opinion.
I’ve always been such a practical
person that it undeniably kills whatever dream, passion I have left in me. I
always weigh the options and think about the possibilities 10 years down the
road than being irrational and impulse. And to be very honest, this rationality
makes my life boring and mundane. I do yearn to be spontaneous, I do yearn to
be epicly random and not consider what happens next, but the rational side of
me always steps in. I don’t even know if it’s a good or bad thing.
As such, I came up with a short
list of what I want to achieve by 30. I may not fulfil all of them but should I
ever stumble back on this post 6 years later, I want to tell myself that
actually as long as I’m happy, all is good.
What I want to achieve by 30:
1. To save $100,000 by 30
2. To earn $5,000/month by 30
I did mention that I’m a really
practical person right? I was talking to Mum and Dad and taking all factors in
such as promotion, yearly increment, performance bonuses, this is actually very
possible. Mum and Dad even threw in the comment that I should add in the word
‘at least’.
3. To bring Mum and Dad on a holiday
Considering that I self-funded my
previous 2 Korean trips, this shouldn’t be a problem. I guess it’s really about
time my parents take a well-deserved break now that I’ve graduated, found a job
and bringing money home. Since young, they’ve been bringing my brother and me
to different parts of the world – Malaysia, America, Australia, Japan, Korea,
Taiwan, Hong Kong and Thailand. Now, it’s my turn to bring them for a trip
instead.
4. To publish a
photologue/travelogue
Photography is no doubt my
passion. I don’t think I take photos well and I don’t consider myself as a
photographer, but it would be really nice to come out with my own
photologue/travelogue of my life behind the viewfinder. No concrete idea at all
at this point in time, but it’s just a small little dream I have and hope to
achieve.
5. To travel alone
Indeed, there is no doubt
occasions whereby I’m being left alone during my trips, but that isn’t
considered travelling alone. I want to go on a full independent trip - a trip
where I get to know myself better, a trip where I find my strengths and
weaknesses, a trip where I have to make decisions myself.
This is not an exhaustive list,
but it is one that I wish to achieve and fulfil. No promises on how many in
this list I will complete, but this is just a small challenge I set for myself.
This is what I wish to achieve by 30. What’s yours?
_germx
Dream a little dream
20130409. 0849h
Labels: family, Looking Back, Random Thoughts, self-reflection
Looking Back at 2012
I actually
find it scary how fast time flies. Before I know it, 2012 is over and it’s
already 2013. To be very honest, 2012 is special to me because it’s been a
really k-razy year. Things had not always been at their best but I'm glad that
things had not gone awfully wrong. I had my fair share of tears and smiles, no
doubt making 2012 memorable.
2012 was the year I found a new job.
My contract
with SIT ended after a really fruitful 10 months. Really thankful for the
opportunities given during my stay there and the amazing colleagues that I met
along the way. Words can’t express how grateful I am to Boss for giving me the
opportunity despite having no relevant experience in the HR field. And now, I
can safely say that I really like HR and I’m going to pursue a career as a
generalist.
With a mere 10
months experience, it’s barely significant to be very honest. And yes, my new
Boss is willing to give me a chance for me to learn everything from scratch as
we are literally putting together the HR division from nothing. It’s a really
exciting experience and I really like how I’m learning something new every day.
I hope this brings me a step closer to me dream job two years down the road.
2012 was the year I covered the most number
of K-events.
Singapore is
no doubt a hot spot for all things Korean – be it for concerts, showcases,
movies and even drama promotions. There was literally something to cover every
other week and the highlight of the year had to be 1 November 2012, where there
are 4 events being held on the same day – G.Na, PSY, 2NE1 and Sundown Festival.
A recap of the
events I’ve covered this year: PLAY! FT Island Concert, Skip Beat Promotions (feat.
Super Junior’s Siwon and Donghae), Super Junior‘s Super Show 4, Sistar and
Boyfriend 1st Singapore Fanmeeting, Beautiful Show in Singapore, Men’s Fashion
Week 2012, Kim Hyun Joong Asia Fan Meeting 2012, Music Matters 2012 (feat.
BTOB, Rhythmking, DJ Clazzi, J’kyun, M.I.B, Tiger JK & Yoon Mirae), Song
Joongki 1st Asia Your Fanmeeting in Singapore 2012 “THRILL AND LOVE”, Boyz Nite
Out Concert (feat. Jay Park, SHINee, B1A4, Teen Top and 7.9.4.2.), Shinhwa
Grand Tour in Singapore ‘THE RETURN’, KARA K5J Showcase, Alexander Fanmeet, KpopGaga
ShowKase (feat. Free Star and Twi-Light), Tonight with Lee Seung Gi Singapore
Fan Meeting, Wonder Girls Wonder World Tour Concert (feat. JJ Project), KpopGaga
PREVIEW (feat. Superstar K2 Finalist Kim So Jung and Girlfriend), SKarf Fansign
Session, Boss BarBQ Grand Opening Celebration Party, Brian Joo Singapore
Fanmeeting, Upclose-and-Personal with Lee Hyun Woo, KpopGaga ShowKase 2 (feat.
NU’EST), Singtel Loop & Meet Launch Party, 2NE1 Guerilla Event, SMTOWN Live
Tour III in Singapore, Sundown Festival 2012, 2NE1 New Evolution Global Tour, SHINee
World Concert II and Celebrate 2013 (feat. M.I.B and SKarf).
I probably
missed out a few others but I guess this list is long enough considering that I
only listed out the actual events without including the press conferences and
fansign sessions.
2012 was the year I went to Korea again.
Though this
trip was for a mere 11 days, my days were packed and I probably experienced
more than I ever did as compared to my previous 26 days. I went to Gangneung
for a unique hanok stay, went school hopping at Edae and Yonsei, met Yoon-ki
and had an in-depth talk on social issues in Korea, went to Music Core for BTOB and NU`EST,
watched Key’s debut musical stage for ‘Catch Me If You Can’, went to Jinhae for
cherry blossoms and a random photo shoot, ate fresh sashimi and seafood at
Noryangjin, went cafés to people watch, went Suwon Fortress for the cultural
experience and saw rain-snow cause the weather was just being ridiculous. I
guess the best part of the trip was no doubt my one-to-one interview with
NU`EST and N-Train because my boys are just too awesome. Not forgetting the
really insightful talk with Mr Park from Cube on aspiring trainees and their
road to stardom.
2012 was the year I attended the best
concerts.
Attending
Shinhwa ‘The Return’ concert in Singapore was probably one of the best decisions
ever. These 6 dorks are the reason why I stepped into K-Pop and seeing them
again after 8 years, still performing their classic hits, reminds me of why I’m
doing what I’m doing now. In addition, their reunion just gives me hope that
anything and everything is possible as long as you put your heart and soul to
it. Thank you Shinhwa for making the impossible possible.
SMTown was no
doubt was one of the craziest concert I’ve ever attended, braving the crazy
weather just to catch a glimpse of my favourite boys. This concert is no doubt
the epitome of epic, bringing together the best of SM – TVXQ, BoA, Super
Junior, SNSD, Kangta, SHINee, f(x) and EXO – in one 4 hour concert. The amazing
collaborations between the different groups, creating surprises after surprises
was simply memorable. Nothing beats TVXQ’s stages and I will never forget
witnessing Humanoids before the song was actually released.
SHINee World
Concert II reminds me of why I fell in love with these 5 adorable dorks in the
first place. I love the solo stages performed and the whole flow of this
concert. The stage production was amazing too, with a good mix of pyrotechnics,
laser displays and fireworks. The videos that were shown were so adorable too
and the thank you video at the end really brings tears to my eyes. This concert
brings me through a rollercoaster of emotions and no doubt better than the
previous one I’ve attended last year.
2012 was the year I fell in love with
NU`EST.
Falling in
love with NU`EST was something I never expected considering how young they
actually are, but they no doubt caught my attention the moment I heard Aron
speak in English. The most ridiculous part was that I fell in love with them
even before they debut, a feeling I simply cannot explain. I really like how
their songs focus on social issues that Korean teenagers face and being a
Sociology major, these societal problems undeniably attract me.
I find it
amazing how I managed to clinch three interviews with them in a mere span of
nine months. Despite having seen them up-close and personal for so many times,
they still manage to make me fall in love with them a little more every single
time I see them. NU`EST to me is a sweet addiction, a group I simply can’t get
enough of.
2012 was the year I actually flew for an event.
Despite saying
that I want to fly to this event or that event, I have never gotten down to
really flying for one unless it coincides with a planned trip cause the
practical side of me will usually say ‘NO!’ after taking into consideration the
airfare and hotel. As a result, I never expected myself to fly for NU`EST, but
I actually did. Everything was settled days before the event and I was
surprised that I actually decided to go.
But then
again, these three days happen to be the best three days in my life. It was
originally meant to be like any event coverage I covered in the past. It was
originally meant to be just an event where I wanted to take more photographs to
add to my collection. It was originally meant to be so so simple, with no commitments
and no strings attached. How did it even turn into a wind whirl of crazy
happenings, things I didn’t even dare to imagine? Can’t express how thankful I
am to Rebby because if not for her, I wouldn’t have experienced whatever I’ve
experienced. Thankful to the boys for pampering me with so much love that three
days that I feel I’m totally not worthy of. I don’t know if they will remember
me the next time I see them, but for now, I’m already contented.
2012 had
treated me well and I know 2013 will be as awesome. Have an amazing new year
everyone!
_germx
For a better 2013
20130101.2331h
Labels: DBSK 동방신기, events, ISEAS, Korea, Looking Back, NU`EST 뉴이스트, SHINee 샤이니, Shinhwa 신화, SIT
Random Rants
Heading to work every morning is simply painful. In just one month I simply lost the rigor I once had and thought I could sustain over two years. It’s horrible knowing how weak-willed I actually am and how easily affected I can be over small issues.
Work at ISEAS is sometimes mundane and whenever I’m given something new to do, though uncertain of the correct procedures, I’m actually excited. It came to a point that I don’t even know what I’m doing here anymore. My Boss is often too busy to pass me new work to do and most of the time I find myself with nothing much to settle. At times like this, I actually feel useless because everyone is busy with something, except me.
Big Boss as usual is irritating the hell out of everyone in office and Boss is like the shield protecting everyone. He is really an amazing man that it hurts to see him get angry as he is just too nice to all of us, absorbing all the crap from the higher ups.
And today, I got hit real hard when I didn’t even do anything. Oh, maybe that’s the exact reason why I was caught in this scolding session – the fact that I didn’t do anything.
I know that being new is not an excuse for not doing my work well. To be very honest, I tried so hard. Since the first day, I’ve been trying to implement new things ISEAS is lacking in, doing up Employee Handbook, coming up with new forms, changing the format of the old ones. I even asked so many times on the procedures of various stuff because there is simply nothing to refer to at all. I accepted whatever answer I was given simply because everyone probably knows what to do already and me poking around trying to figure things out, to them, is normal since I’m new. I asked and asked with regards to the usual procedures and it’s just epic how I was involved in this scolding session just because I followed their usual protocol. How awesome life is.
I didn’t even know the blame was put on me until I received a BCC email from Big Boss to Big Big Boss saying that she will train me in the correct procedures. Just amazing at how I was being reprimanded in probably dozens of email before it actually comes to me. Thanks for all the harsh words used Big Big Boss, not forgetting all your exclamation marks. All respect lost in an instant. Pushing the blame to me just because it’s not the usual procedure in your previous organization is not a reason for saying I’m not doing my job well. For the fact that you and Big Boss didn’t set my KPI for the year and brief me properly on what is expected of me on my Day One at work shows a lot. And now you are reprimanding me for not conducting an induction and orientation tour. Thanks ah, there isn’t one in ISEAS to begin with.
I know very well that receiving all these crap day in and day out is part and parcel of working life. But sometimes, just sometimes, I feel indignant of the things I have to suck up to.
Seriously, what a bad start to my supposed awesome week.
_germx
If only things were so much simpler...
20121204.0834h
Labels: ISEAS, Looking Back, Random Thoughts, self-reflection
All these TVXQ feels...
I never expected myself to feel this way, but TVXQ's recent comeback just did it for me. It sort of unknowingly unleased my inner Cassie feels that I've buried since I don't know when. These feels are even more ridiculous than those I had when Homin came last year for their Fan Party. It is so not me to feel such heavy withdrawals after an event but SMTown did it for me.
Moreover, I have been wanting to catch Catch Me live and it was literally a dream come true when they performed it during SMTown. Not forgetting the fact that they performed Humanoids before the official release. I also can't get over how I wasn't concentrating 100% when they were performing Catch Me thanks to the crazy rain and I was worrying about my camera. But one thing for sure is that they were no doubt amazing that night. I really really want to witness the choreography again, while fan chanting. I really really want the whole world to know how amazing they two are.
Today is Humanoids' first pre-recording and all these live updates from friends who are queueing just made things more difficult for me. It even came to point whereby I ask myself when will I ever get to witness TVXQ performing live again, when will I ever attend a TVXQ pre-recording, when will I ever get to meet Yunho upclose and tell him how perfect he really is.
I think I'm really driving myself crazy with all these TVXQ feels when I should be worrying about the crazy onslaw of events this weekend. I totally need to survive this week first.
_germx
네 머릿속을 파고드는 날카로운 눈빛
20121130.1236h
Labels: Choikang Changmin 최강창민, DBSK 동방신기, Looking Back, Random Thoughts, U-Know Yunho 유노윤호
The Start of Something New
Starting work in a new environment undeniably brings fear and uncertainty. Having being too comfortable in how I do certain things in my previous organization, the thought of starting afresh just seemed intimidating. As much as I anticipate the challenges my new job will bring, the stress far exceeds this anticipation.
November 1 marks the start of a new beginning - a new beginning in a different organization, a new beginning with a new scope.
Even till now, after a non-eventful day one, I’m still unsure of where this job will bring me to, what I’m going to achieve 2 years down the road. But one thing for sure, I’m glad my new Boss is willing to give me this opportunity to learn, despite me being immensely inexperienced.
The most random thing that happened this morning was the fact that Keppel finally called after 2 months. If they were a little more efficient, I guess starting at Keppel will be pretty ideal. But nonetheless, I’m still excited for what’s to come the next 2 years.
_germx
Start of Something New
20121101. 2301h
Labels: ISEAS, Random Thoughts
MAMA (Mnet Music Asian Awards) 2011
Now that MAMA 2012 is coming up, I feel obligated to blog about the happenings of MAMA 2011, which I had the chance to be part of. Though it is only a small part, I'm contented to have this opportunity! ^^
(x)clusive was invited by CJ Bibigo to cover MAMA 2011 and to tell the truth, I was thisssssss tempted to go. It’s not every day you get to cover a Korean award show and most importantly, it’s being held right here in Singapore. It’s honestly a one in a lifetime experience. However, I guess a rational part of me prioritises work over fun/entertainment and I skipped the pre-event press conference, I skipped the red carpet, I even skipped attending the award show itself. Don’t ask me what I was thinking because I’ve no idea as well.
But then again, there are perks attached to watching MAMA at home too. You get to see close-ups for each and every one of the artiste!! Plus the performance is always clear and perfect. Not forgetting the fact that I was watching it in the comfort of my home as I ate my dinner. It’s seriously not that bad after all.
My night didn’t start at Singapore Indoor Stadium but instead at Marina Bay Sands as I attended the post-event press conference. This is like the most epic press conference I’ve ever attended as it’s exactly what I see whenever they show press conference snippets on television, whereby each and every reporter is given a table each. It was also pretty easy to differentiate the local and Korean media as the Korean media will be equipped with their laptops, typing furiously as the press conference was being held. They are seriously amazing and efficient people. Approximately 15 minutes after the press conference, their articles are already up on their news site.
I was really glad Lydia managed to get me a first-row seat and I ended up sitting with all the official media – Mediacorp, XinMSN, Teens. The view was simply perfect for taking photos.
Anyway, only three groups attended the post-event press conference – Girls Generation, Super Junior and 2NE1.
Girls Generation was the first group to appear. In smiles, the girls greeted the crowd and the next thing I know, the shutter sound of the cameras filled the air. I honestly can’t remember what questions were asked, just remembered that the girls seemed careful and politically correct when answering.
Super Junior was up next and I’ll never forget the small drama that happened at the start and at the end of their session. It’s seriously hard to forget them. What impressed me the most was a statement made by Lee Teuk “I’ve done some research on our concert ticket pricing and realised the exorbitant pricing. I hope tickets could be made more affordable as I understand that not all fans can afford it. Organizers could be mindful of the pricing.” Super Junior still remains as one of the most modest KPOP groups around despite being the top Korean boy band now. Never understood why they had so many fans, but after today, my perspective of them changed. They fully deserve what they have.
The last group that appeared during the press conference was 2NE1. I have to admit that these 4 girls stand out so much more distinctly than Girls Generation. I guess we can expect another amazing song from 2NE1 since they did mention that they are in the midst of working on an album with will.i.am. It totally sounds like it’s going to be awesome already. I’m actually randomly looking forward to their collaboration now. The song is out already but I guess it's just not my kind of song.
Though it’s a really short session, it’s really a memorable one for me. Glad that I’m actually part of it.
_germx
MAMA - Music Makes One
20121003.2301h
Labels: 2NE1 투애니원, events, Girls' Generation 소녀시대, Looking Back, MAMA (Mnet Music Asian Awards), Random Thoughts, Super Junior 슈퍼주니어
