Heading to work every morning is simply painful. In just one month I simply lost the rigor I once had and thought I could sustain over two years. It’s horrible knowing how weak-willed I actually am and how easily affected I can be over small issues.
Work at ISEAS is sometimes mundane and whenever I’m given something new to do, though uncertain of the correct procedures, I’m actually excited. It came to a point that I don’t even know what I’m doing here anymore. My Boss is often too busy to pass me new work to do and most of the time I find myself with nothing much to settle. At times like this, I actually feel useless because everyone is busy with something, except me.
Big Boss as usual is irritating the hell out of everyone in office and Boss is like the shield protecting everyone. He is really an amazing man that it hurts to see him get angry as he is just too nice to all of us, absorbing all the crap from the higher ups.
And today, I got hit real hard when I didn’t even do anything. Oh, maybe that’s the exact reason why I was caught in this scolding session – the fact that I didn’t do anything.
I know that being new is not an excuse for not doing my work well. To be very honest, I tried so hard. Since the first day, I’ve been trying to implement new things ISEAS is lacking in, doing up Employee Handbook, coming up with new forms, changing the format of the old ones. I even asked so many times on the procedures of various stuff because there is simply nothing to refer to at all. I accepted whatever answer I was given simply because everyone probably knows what to do already and me poking around trying to figure things out, to them, is normal since I’m new. I asked and asked with regards to the usual procedures and it’s just epic how I was involved in this scolding session just because I followed their usual protocol. How awesome life is.
I didn’t even know the blame was put on me until I received a BCC email from Big Boss to Big Big Boss saying that she will train me in the correct procedures. Just amazing at how I was being reprimanded in probably dozens of email before it actually comes to me. Thanks for all the harsh words used Big Big Boss, not forgetting all your exclamation marks. All respect lost in an instant. Pushing the blame to me just because it’s not the usual procedure in your previous organization is not a reason for saying I’m not doing my job well. For the fact that you and Big Boss didn’t set my KPI for the year and brief me properly on what is expected of me on my Day One at work shows a lot. And now you are reprimanding me for not conducting an induction and orientation tour. Thanks ah, there isn’t one in ISEAS to begin with.
I know very well that receiving all these crap day in and day out is part and parcel of working life. But sometimes, just sometimes, I feel indignant of the things I have to suck up to.
Seriously, what a bad start to my supposed awesome week.
_germx
If only things were so much simpler...
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Labels: ISEAS, Looking Back, Random Thoughts, self-reflection
